Esurio
by Mindless Musings
Summary: Edward contemplates temptation. 1st Place in the Bella Penombra Valentine's Day Romance Contest.


**Disclaimer:** The Twilight series and any characters appearing in said series belong to Stephenie Meyer. She is, however, sweet enough to allow us to play with them.

This was my first entry for the Valentine's Day Romance Contest on the Bella Penombra forum.

**Basic rules you'll need to be aware of:**

1. All entries must be Twilight or New Moon one-shots about a romance **other than Bella/Edward**. ((NOTE: You can mix Bella or Edward with someone else if you like, just not the two together.)) Also remember that the entries do not have to be _exclusively_ romance.

2. The minimum word count is 1,000. The maximum word count is 3,000.

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_Esurio_

Desire. Temptation. Longing.

These were hungers that could not be slaked by lifeblood, no matter how little or how much I wished they could.

I longed to have that comfort that was just beyond my reach. I could see it, smell it, desire it, but never have it. My family wished more than anything that I could, I knew. I heard it in their thoughts, saw it in their gazes (their gazes so full of love and pity), felt it in their embraces…but we all knew that nothing they did would ever give me what I wanted.

It was a strange kind of longing. I wanted to have it, but keeping myself away was the right thing to do. Even if I did succumb and take what I wanted, I would not be able to keep it. It was pointless.

I remember the first time I felt that pang of want. I didn't care which cafeteria of which school I was in; they were all the same. I had been staring at my tray or the wall or out the window – anywhere other than my classmates or my family – when an excited thrill went through the students. I rolled my eyes; their thoughts did not concern me.

I left the cafeteria and made my way to class. It was there I realized why the children had been so excited. I had been minding my own business, and the smell should not have fazed me. I was careful. I was strong. I was a vegetarian vampire who had seen the passing of time for over a century! I should not have been so affected by such a scent!

The moment the smell emanated throughout the room, however, I thought I was dizzy, a thrill I had not felt in…well, time is not relative, is it? The thrill caused by the aroma, the aroma itself…

It. Was. Irresistible.

From that moment on, I sought out that particular scent. Every other smell that was linked to humans was revolting; not appetizing in the least. This particular incense in the air, however, was something I needed. I craved it. Sought it. Desired it.

I was high on it.

I yearned for my heart to be as a mortal's that it might pound for this drug of mine. Was it possible to be addicted to something you cannot taste? Was I addicted to this object of my desire? Was I addicted to the perfumed scent that lingered?

Or was it simply the longing I longed for? The strain of a forbidden fruit of sorts…an untouchable need. I did need the addiction. For so long I had been so lonely, even surrounded by my family.

But, no. It was a pointless endeavor. I could not – no, I would not have it. For the sake of my mother who tried so hard to keep me from having to desire in vain, I would not have it. For the sake of my family who stood by my side no matter what I did wrong or right, I would not have it for fear that succumbing to one addiction would lead to the collapse of all my self-control.

For my family, I remained strong.

My "strength" kept me from admitting out loud what I knew to be true: I could never have what I desired most, yet I could never have enough of it. I was content to watch from afar, to inhale what I yearned to taste without succumbing to it… I was content, or so I told myself.

I felt the stab of envy as one of the children reached out for what I felt was mine. I was not a selfish person, but I was hungry. Not an average kind of hungry which I could remedy with a day off, sprinting through tall trees and grasses after some creature or another. This was a different kind of hungry altogether. A hunger fueled by desire, temptation, and nostalgia.

The metaphorical apple of my eye stirred such nostalgia in me. The pang to be human that I may partake of my desire flowed throw me, all due to this weakness in my character. The family insisted that I was not weak (although I believe Rosalie thought my yearning to be quite pathetic; her opinion would have been more easily read had she not caught sight of her own reflection half a second later), yet they also felt it necessary to gently remind me that my infatuation was not a natural inclination for a vampire.

Perhaps, in the days of my mortal self, I had known desire such as this and certain habits were rising from my subconscious.

Blaming my human self, however, seemed to be taking the easy way out. I was addicted now, not then. At times I wondered if such a temptation had existed in the years of the Influenza, or, indeed, before it…but I could not wonder on it for long. Most often, when I had entered this state of meditation, my drug hit me as I pondered and I could not help but turn to watch.

I believe I growled with want. I had the decency to be embarrassed somewhere in my mind; you would have to ask Jasper to know for sure. I was only aware of the source of my high. The moment following my primal growl, I narrowed my eyes, locking my prey in my sight. Somewhere beside me, Alice sighed, reminding me that we had been over this subject more than a few times.

"Edward, if you give in we won't think any less of you…"

"I don't need it!" I growled, averting my eyes so I was staring at the unappetizing mush before me. I never lied to my family; I didn't need it. I just wanted it with a passion. Wasn't that how temptation worked? Wasn't it an irresistible desire for something I could never have?

"Even if it's pointless-"

"-mind over matter-"

I ignored them and stared blankly at my tray.

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me and thought something bitter. Her pale lips parted to let her voice hiss a single sentence:

"Edward, just get the damn brownie."

**Esurio:****_(Latin) _**_to be hungry, to hunger, long for, desire, yearn_

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**Winner:**

- 1st Place

- The Meyer Award (Best Written)

- The Twisted Award (Most Surprising Twist) [tied

- The Cullen Award (Stayed Truest to the Twilight Universe)


End file.
